Miss Minty Fresh

Pear blossoms!

50mm 1.4 on a Canon T3

Another semi-decent result from my self portrait not-quite-a-project project. Pretty amazing what nice lighting will do, right?

Friends, last night, fueled by some last vestiges of post-partum depression, I had a teary text conversation with my husband about my own physical self-perception. 

That guy….thinks I’m pretty.  That I’m sexy and lust-inducing. That my extra 20 babyweight pounds and acne-riddled skin and other flaws too numerous and embarrassing to name are inconsequential and imperceptible.  I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this concept, honestly.  And of course at first I didn’t believe him.

“HOW can’t you be bothered by my universally ugly flaws?!” I texted angrily. 

“I don’t know how to defend you against you,” he replied.  “Wouldn’t it be so much better to go through life without constantly flagellating yourself?  I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

That got me thinking more about perception.

Ben and I share a private board on Pinterest (you can see a public one I curate for him here) and on it I like to pin pictures of beautiful, mostly naked, VOLUPTUOUS, THICK, GIANT-THIGHED women.  Seeing them makes me feel incredibly beautiful, because they are built just like me.  When Ben sees me, he sees me in the same way I see the pictures on the Pinterest board.  But since Kai’s birth it has been so difficult to see myself that way, too.  Mostly impossible.  I couldn’t even begin to tell you why. 

I don’t know how to defend you against you.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.

The problem is in my perception.  As a [amateur, hungry, ambitious] photographer, I know that I have to begin to tackle this problem for my own developmental benefit.  But I really need to tackle it for my own sanity and that of my family’s.  They deserve a happy mama and partner and friend.  So, I plan on slowly slowly changing my perception of myself through the medium of the self portrait.

This is by no means going to be a scheduled or rigorously followed project, at least not now.  I’m just going to take some selfies as often as I think of it.  Not just on good hair days or good skin days.  Not just when I’m feeling cheerful and bouncy.  On any old day at all.

Today was any old day.  My hair is clean and shiny.  My eyes are a little tired but still inquisitive.  I miss my little guy.  And I’m clearly a little bit wary of being in front of the camera.  But…those shots…they look like me.  And I don’t want to wince when looking at these.  So, it’s a good start, I think.

I hope you’ll accept the occasional publication of these, friends.  Thanks for letting me share with you.

Last bits to share from the orchid show.

Teeny tiny blooms at the SOOS Orchid Show this past weekend.

SOOS Orchid Show, 17 Feb 2013

Tonight I got a lucky chance to play around with Adobe Lightroom for the first time!  Watermarks!  Whites and blacks!  Highlights or shadows in any shade!  So many OPTIONS!  Looking forward to procuring my own copy soon.

Self-portrait taken in San Antonio, Texas in May 2012.  Overly pink and fake-smooth skin edit done in February 2013.

After completing my work in Istanbul (and seeing Greenland!!!) I flew back to the Orlando airport to pick up my car.  I was anxious to get back to the circus tour to see Ben and Kai before heading back to Toronto, but luckily I managed to see some family beforehand.  I took some snaps of Jude, Cate, Charlotte, and Claire during breakfast a few Sundays ago.  Some of the sweetest kids around, as you can clearly see.  I love you guys!

During the flight back from Istanbul we happened to fly over the very southern tip of Greenland.  The geography nerd inside me had a private conniption and I took pictures with all of the cameras I had accessible at the time.  These were taken with the Canon EOS.

My favorite part of my Friday wanderings was hearing the noon call to prayer.  The cacophony was truly deafening and awe-inspiring.  If you read regularly you probably know that I’m an atheist and have little regard or respect for organized religion and the abominations that are carried out in the name of faith…but I have to say that I forgot all about that for about five minutes and just let the beautiful noise wash over me.  

Photos of the Marmara Sea, of my feline friend (cats are everywhere there), a brand-new tram, the spice market, awesome narrow streets, a mosque dome, and Istanbul University.